


Maple Syrup Mistakes

by Skarla



Series: Tony's Robot Army [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Mystery, Pancakes, Robots, all of the fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 21:43:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18668947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skarla/pseuds/Skarla
Summary: Strange noises from the kitchen and an unresponsive JARVIS - what is going on in Stark tower?This is a direct oneshot sequel to 721 5th Avenue and although it could probably be read alone, it'll make more sense if you read that one first.





	Maple Syrup Mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for the love shown to this little universe of mine. Your support is appreciated and your enthusiasm humbling.

The day after Doctor Doom threatened to open a portal to another dimension in the middle of Central Park, Bucky slept in. He woke alone in the penthouse just before noon, the impression that Tony's body had left in the sheets long since cooled.

"JARVIS, where's Tony?"

The AI didn't reply, which was highly unusual. Since Bucky and Tony had entered into a relationship, the AI had given Bucky a priority level only slightly below Tony's own, which meant that the AI always answered him. Feeling off balance, Bucky pulled on a pair of jeans and tucked a handgun into the small of his back. He pulled its twin from the holster hanging on the back of the wardrobe door and carefully opened the door to the bedroom.

The lounge was empty, but he could hear faint music drifting up from the communal kitchen below. He tried to reason with himself that it was just Clint, but he couldn't shift the unease. JARVIS hadn't answered, and the music didn't sound much like the bands he usually caught Clint listening to. Their little cleaner bot, DUST (Dirt Under Stuff Terminator), was busy watering the houseplants that Bucky had insisted Tony add to the floorplan - they obscured the sightlines from the nearby skyscrapers. Bucky crouched down beside her, causing the little bot to pause in her watering program.

"Sweetie, I can't get hold of JARVIS. Can you?"

A red light flickered on DUST's titanium shell.

"Ok. Something's up, you stay safe up here until you can contact JARVIS again, ok? If anyone other than me or Tony comes up, you hide. Copy?"

DUST blinked a green light at him and reached out with the claw arm not holding the watering can to tug at his sleeve twice.

"I promise to be careful," Bucky said seriously. "I'll let you get back to watering. Try not to make too much noise, just in case?"

A final flash of green and then DUST turned back to tending to the bamboo pot. Bucky climbed back to his feet and flicked the safety off on his gun before ghosting to the top of the stairs. The music was louder now, something fast with a bouncy beat. Definitely not Clint, the archer had a taste for country music that wasn't shared with the rest of the tower, and not Tony either.

There was an intruder in the tower, and they had somehow disabled JARVIS. Perhaps the music was a cover, or a distraction? There was only one way to find out. Bucky edged his way down four steps and then crouched, his head now level with the ceiling of the lower level. He could just make out someone's legs, clad in black boots sprinkled with white powder and red and black leather pants. The legs were dancing.

What the hell? Bucky mouthed to himself. Taking his opportunity when the legs indicated that the intruder was standing at the stove with his back to the staircase, he quickly descended the rest of the flight and approached, keeping his gun firmly centred on the man's head. They weren't pants, part of his mind noted. It was a red and black leather catsuit, complete with full face mask.

"Hands up or I shoot," he said in his most threatening Winter Soldier voice.

"Aww but then I'll burn the pancakes!" the man whined, twirling a spatula in the air. He looked over his shoulder at Bucky and seemed to quirk an eyebrow under the cover of his mask. "I brought maple syrup I stole from Canada, just for you."

Bucky shot him in the leg.

"OW! ASS-BISCUITS! What the shit man? I'm making you breakfast!"

"What have you done to JARVIS?"

"What the fuck is a Jarvis?!"

"Who are you?"

"Deadpool! OW! Don't shoot me again, I'm crap at sewing!"

There wasn't as much blood as Bucky had come to expect from a thigh wound and the man had somehow managed to turn off the stove before inspecting the hole in his leg. His body language was broadcasting irritation rather than pain, despite the complaints that had come from his mouth. Something in the back of Bucky's brain clicked into working order and made the connection.

"Clint's friend Deadpool?"

Deadpool's eyes widened as he whipped his head up. "You do know me!" he exclaimed in delight. "Can I get back to making pancakes now?"

Coffee. Coffee might make this make sense, Bucky decided. But, there was an unknown element in the kitchen, and JARVIS still wasn't responding. JARVIS had to be the priority. He cautiously lowered the gun, and Deadpool immediately stopped poking at his leg and turned back to the stove. There was a metallic clink as the bullet that Bucky had fired fell to the floor.

"You're saying that you haven't done anything to JARVIS? No messing with the electrics?"

Deadpool flicked the latest pancake onto the towering stack by the sink and poured more batter into the plan. His boots were dusted with flour, Bucky suddenly realised, and he had a smear of the powdery substance over his ear. "I just wriggled on in," Deadpool assured him. "I didn't mess with the security or anything, Stark doesn't seem like the forgiving type when it comes to his tech."

"Then why..." Bucky belatedly pulled his Starkphone from his back pocket and called Tony's number. It ran four times before connecting.

"Buckster! Heart of my heart, keeper of my genitals. What's cooking sweetcheeks?"

"Pancakes, apparently."

"Huh?"

"Tony, JARVIS isn't responding to me, is everything ok with him?"

There was a loud crashing sound and a curse, it sounded like Tony had dropped the phone. "DUM-E! BASH-IT! What are you doing?" the engineer demanded faintly, sounding like he was a fair way away from the microphone. "Put that back at once!" There was a shuffle and then his voice became clearer. "Sorry, yeah, JARVIS is fine, I was just running some updates and I had to take him offline. He's rebooting now. Are you making pancakes? I'm starving."

"Deadpool is making pancakes. With stolen maple syrup," Bucky explained.

"Tastes better when it's free!" their unexpected intruder sang. "Plus no calories. Everybody knows free food has no calories."

"Clint's Deadpool? How did he get in?"

"I don't know. I shot him, but it didn't seem to do much."

There was a pause while Tony absorbed that information.

"I'll be right there."

Steve arrived next, wearing sweatpants and a clinging white tank top that really emphasised the rather spectacular bruising across both shoulders. Bucky had just finished making coffee - a task made more difficult by his reluctance to turn his back on Deadpool - and was feeling a little calmer about the whole unexpected pancake situation now that he knew that JARVIS was ok.

"I didn't realise you'd hit the tree that hard," he commented, holding out a mug. "Shouldn't that have healed by now?"

Steve shrugged and then winced and rubbed at his trapezoid. "I fractured a few bones, reckon the serum prioritised those."

"Doom is an ass, and not in a good way," Deadpool said cheerfully. "Hence the apology pancakes."

"They're apology pancakes now?" Bucky asked, while Steve blinked stupidly at the red and black figure in the kitchen. The stack of pancakes was now at least two foot high.

"Yeah, for not helping out yesterday." Deadpool shrugged and a splatter of batter dropped onto the floor. "Shitballs!"

"It's ok, DUST will get it," Bucky assured him.

Deadpool cocked his head to one side. "Dust will get us all in the end, but I think mould will get there first if you intent to leave raw pancake on the floor."

"No, not - DUST is a cleaning AI bot."

Deadpool froze for a long moment, so long that Bucky almost considered stepping closer to poke him. Maybe it was a delayed reaction to the bullet wound?

"You have cleaning robots. That is so cool. I am officially jealous," Deadpool declared.

"Apology pancakes?" Steve asked surfacing from his coffee.

"Yeah, I got the alert but I was, ah, busy, and I arrived at the park kinda late and you'd pretty much finished. I felt bad."

"So, pancakes."

"Apology pancakes!" Deadpool chirped, nodding enthusiastically. Bucky sipped his coffee and waited for Steve's reaction.

"Makes sense," the blond grunted after a long moment, wandering over to the icebox. "Have we got any strawberries?"

Tony finally arrived, looking a little rumpled but miraculously free from grease stains. He gave Deadpool the side eye as he made a beeline for Bucky and stole his coffee, leaning companionably against his side. Bucky tucked his flesh arm around the engineer and deftly stole his coffee back with his metal hand. "Get your own."

"Yours tastes better."

"See?" Deadpool demanded as if Tony had proven some cosmic point. "Pancakes are ready! Or rather, I'm out of batter now so we'd better eat them."

They crowded around the table and there was a long moment where they all looked at Deadpool, who busied himself with picking the plastic seal from the top of the largest bottle of maple syrup Bucky had ever seen.

"You can, uh, remove the mask if you want," Bucky offered. "I mean, we're not going to freak out."

"I've been told that my face looks like an avocado that had sex with an older avocado," Deadpool said calmly.

Steve frowned. "But... How would that even?"

"Don't worry your pretty head about it, super sexy soldier."

Steve spluttered and Bucky felt an odd urge to high five their unexpected chef. "It's ok," he said instead. "You make the pancakes and, uh, supplied the syrup. You should get to enjoy them too."

"Besides, we have to look at Steve," Tony quipped. "All that righteousness and perfect teeth is enough to put anyone off their lunch."

Seemingly convinced, Deadpool lifted up the lower half of his mask, revealing lips so scarred that their original colour had been lost. The three Avengers politely turned their attention to their plates, sharing the overly large bottle of maple syrup and picking large red strawberries from the bowl that had mysteriously appeared in the middle of the table.

DUST chose that moment to start descending the stairs on her six wheel caterpillar tracks and provided a welcome distraction to the awkward silence at the table. A feat of graceful engineering, Bucky was nethertheless always worried that she was going to miscalculate and tumble tracks over shell down the stairs.

"JARVIS must be back up and running, I told her to stay up there until she could contact him again," he told Tony.

DUST flashed her brightest green light as she reached the last step.

"That is so cool," Deadpool whispered, tracking DUST as she rotated in place, then flashed an amber light and made a beeline for the dropped pancake batter. "I want one."

Tony grinned. "My AI's are not for sale. You can only have one if you can promise to keep it safe and pass a home check. Like adopting a puppy. And the AI has to decide that they like you."

Deadpool saluted. "I will attempt to achieve worthiness," he promised solemnly. "The prize will be worth it. Blondie, you don't have enough maple syrup! You'll fade away!" he enthusiastically splattered extra onto the plate over Steve's halfhearted protests.

Tony leant in close, his soft hair brushing against Bucky's cheek and surrounding him with the scent of sandalwood and hot metal. "Is Deadpool flirting with Steve?" the engineer hissed. "I think I'm offended."

"Maybe he's not flirting with you because I shot him?"

Tony frowned up at him. "You actually shot him? I thought you were joking. Why are there no bandages?"

Bucky gave into the temptation to nuzzle into Tony's hair for a second. "He heals even faster than Steve," he murmured. "The bullet was on the floor before you arrived. DUST has probably already found it and binned it."

"She'll probably keep it in that weird little collection of hers," Tony sighed. "Such a quirky little personality."

Bucky looked up to find that Deadpool was now attempting to feed a furiously red Steve a rolled up pancake. There was syrup everywhere. Once he had determined that neither party was in immediate danger, although Steve looked torn between the manners his mother had installed in him and the overwhelming urge to stab Deadpool with his fork - he decided that it was Not His Problem.

He was still dealing with some residual aches and pains from the day before, and now that he was comfortably full of pancakes and strawberries, he wanted a bath. In Tony's oversized tub. Preferably with Tony.

Actually, Tony wasn't optional.

"Bath?" he suggested, quirking an eyebrow.

"Need help washing you back?" the engineer leered playfully, but then he quickly chugged the last of his coffee so Bucky knew that he was going to make good on his offer. Maybe he could even get a massage out of it. They didn't have anywhere else to be that day after all.

They crept away from the table, leaving DUST happily sweeping up the mess in the kitchen and Steve attempting to reason with Deadpool through a mouthful of pancake. All in all, it was a far better situation than the one that Bucky'd thought he was facing when he'd woken up this morning.

"Traitors!" Steve hollered from behind them and Tony broke into a laughing run, tugging Bucky up the stairs behind him.

"Enjoy your breakfast!" 


End file.
